Summer's here and the fetish party season has started, so it's a good time to get a few things straight and talk about proper etiquette at clubs...

RULE 1: NO PEE-PEE RUBBING ON STRANGERS!
First of all, don't get me wrong - I have nothing against exhibitionist men. I can handle, and even have a curious interest for, watching a naked man at a club. Once, at Torture Garden's party in London, I even saw a dude proudly showing off and stroking his 9in one-eyed snake while on the dancefloor, entirely naked except for his white socks glowing under the black lights.