When you're convinced we live in a "global fascist Orwellian state" run by alien lifeforms, it seems only one publisher in the world will take you seriously.

If you happen to believe a popular celebrity is in fact an extraterrestrial reptile from another dimension, people don't tend to listen to you.

If you then add that these lizards have a sideline in ritual child-sacrifice and world domination, you'd have to be Philip K Dick to get a book deal. If - like David Icke - you enjoy writing massive novels about how you think this applies to George W Bush, Tony Blair, the British Royal Family, Kris Kristofferson, Boxcar Willie and many more (the beings they call 'the Illuminati'), then you've got as much chance of being published as Peter Sutcliffe has of being pardoned and given a lorry-driving job.