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Dick jokes plus Spandex multiplied by hairspray equals spoof glam rockers Steel Panther. Interview, exclusive video!

Steel Panther, formerly Metal Skool, have been working LA’s Sunset Strip harder than a hooker in stilettos for years now, selling out their weekly Key Club residency quicker than it takes your girlfriend to get her knickers off. But while they’ve made their name covering 1980s metal classics with their brilliant, comedy-based metal karaoke live set, it’s their original songs, such as new single 'Community Property', a stadium-sized ballad about being a rock star with a free-spirited dick, that’s about to rocket them firmly into their 15 minutes of fame.

In certain lights, some of you could be mistaken for ladies. Do you worry that you might be gay when you’re squeezing into spandex and doing your hair?
Stix Zadinia (drums) I feel gay when I’m not. That shit’s fucking awesome!
Satchel (guitar) Yeah, we look bitchin’.
Michael Starr (vocals) When I arrive at our shows I’m already pretty much dressed in my outfit ’cause I wear what I wear onstage all over the place, but when I put the whole ensemble together it’s like I’m putting on my superhero costume for bringing heavy metal back. I have this new energy and even my sperm shoots further.


Speaking of superpowers, if you could have one, what would it be?

Michael I’d like to be able to save everyone from really bad music that’s not heavy metal. Like, if there’s some dude cruising in his car who thinks he’s really cool listening to fucking Kings Of Leon, I come to the rescue. I’d fuck up his hair and throw him a Crüe CD.
Lexxi Foxxx (bass) I’d want to be really, really small so that I could go in girls’ vaginas.
Michael What would you do in there?
Lexxi Just lick the walls and stuff.
Stix That’s a pretty gay superpower! I’d have invisibility just because it’s cool. You could sneak up on people and steal their drugs.
Satchel My name would be penicillin man.
Michael What, like an antibody?
Satchel I’ve seen your auntie’s body and I wouldn’t mind getting up in there.
Have you ever seen a ghost?
Lexxi Yep. He’s on TV all the time.
Michael Not Casper!
Stix That’s a fucking cartoon, you dick!
Michael I felt a ghost once when I was in bed. It was a hot brunette chick and she came up across my crotch and split. It was weird because I had a hard-on. Supernatural pussy is nice.


Could you kill a man with your bare hands?

Lexxi I don’t have bear hands. I have human hands.

Mötley Crüe once fucked a girl with a telephone. What’s the most unconventional item you’ve put inside a lady?
Michael An umbrella. The cool thing about it was I put it in, opened it and the bitch went crazy.
Stix I once put a bunch of fruit and whipped cream up there and had a little fruit salad. I ate it out of her pussy.

What’s the best lesson life has taught you?
Lexxi Not to light my hairspray can with fire. You can burn your hair off and your face off. Seriously.
Stix To keep on fucking.
Satchel Don’t drink water out of a tap when you go to Tijuana. Unless you want to lose 30lbs in two weeks.



 

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