VISIT MATRON AT WWW.COLONIC-CLINIC.COM
It’s a sunny day, and Bizarre are on a field trip to a special clinic in Cornwall. Our accident-prone designer, Mike, has a broken foot after failing a BMX stunt, and we’re hoping we can find a way to make him feel better…
Situated in a sweet village, the clinic is in one wing of a cottage that overlooks sprawling, golden fields. Through the innocuous-looking front door, we’re met with pearly-white walls and the sound of classical strings swooping out of mounted speakers. Next to a rack of Buddhist peace CDs sits a glass cabinet, housing phallic instruments. There are bondage restraints cranked into the ceiling and the glistening floor mischievously dips into a plughole in the centre. “This is the white enema wet-room,” beams our lovely host, ‘Matron’. “It gets messy in here. Some of my patients do like to poo in front of me!”
This is the Colonic Clinic in Cornwall, a domain of twisted medical fantasies designed for those who love to play doctors and nurses. Medical play is a popular fetish in the UK, predominantly among professional men aged 40-60, who get a thrill from surrendering their bodily functions, being violated with medical instruments, or reigniting pubescent memories of being scolded by matron at public school.
Treatments these kinksters love to receive include enemas, where liquid is pushed up the rectum, invasive prostate examinations, in which a finger is pushed up the bum, and bladder washes, where sterile water is pumped through a tube and into the pee-sack. At some fetish dens – but not at the Colonic Clinic – ‘patients’ can even have their genitals stitched or go through incubation, a process where the submissive is fed liquid food directly into the stomach through tubes. Extreme services are banned under British law, but in countries such as America and Germany needles are commonly plunged into body parts, and saline solution is injected into the testes to make the scrotum swell up to the size of a tennis ball.
Matron says medical fetishism has been around “since forever”, because humans have always cared for each other. But surgical improvements since WWII mean that today’s deviants have the tools to get kinkier – and safer – in their play than ever before, and there are plenty of doms who are happy to help.
Matron’s Colonic Clinic, which only caters to men, is unique; ‘patients’ can stay overnight, one at a time, and receive cosy home-cooking. Her medical specialities include colonic irrigation and inserting catheters into the penis while her client is restrained in a gynaecological chair. Matron also teases her submissives’ genitals with a G5, an electronic machine with a vibrating attachment that looks like a shower head.
But even though Matron makes a living terrorising patients with latex gloves and electrolysis kits, she’s warm, friendly and motherly, and guests also enjoy her delicious cooking and chatty company.
Matron has always had a wonderful bedside manner, but she became a medical dom by accident. After training as a beauty therapist for women she set up a spa business called Stressbuster Breaks, but couldn’t make ends meet. “My bank manager said I needed a niche, then turned up at my house dressed as a woman, and insisted I gave ‘her’ a facial and a manicure. ‘There’s your niche,’ he said, so overnight I became a resort for transvestites.”
Soon after her business was up and running, Matron received a call from a full-time surgeon and hardcore medical fetishist of 30 years, who introduced her to the kink and taught her extreme medical procedures. The surgeon had previously had so many catheters – tubes which divert pee directly from the bladder to an external bag – and metal rods inserted through his urethra that it was permanently torn, and Matron’s initiation was gruelling.
To learn the ropes, she inserted a catheter into the surgeon and left it inside him for his entire three-day sojourn in order to fulfil his fantasy of making her solely in charge of his ability to piss. He willingly suffered burning pain as a result. “Those who have a catheter in for more than an hour piss razor blades afterwards,” says Matron.
The surgeon, who liked his booze, also asked Matron to give him enemas using wine instead of sterile water. Alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream more quickly through the large intestine than it is through the stomach or small intestine, and it wasn’t long before he was a happy chappy.
“The surgeon only took one eighth of a bottle because any more would’ve been far too dangerous and should never be attempted,” says Matron. “I hooked a bag of wine up to an intravenous drip, connected the drip to the enema balloon, then squirted the liquid up his bottom. I controlled the drip and let the wine in slowly to make him drunk.”
Although the surgeon never told Matron why he fetishised his profession, another medical dominatrix, who wishes to remain anonymous, tells us that around 12 of her clients – who are mostly male – are professional surgeons and six are pharmacists. The medic-dom, who operates from London’s Harley Street, is nearly six-foot tall and combines an icy demeanour with an Oxbridge education. She also collects antique medical equipment from the 19th and early 20th centuries, but most of the items, such as a trepanning kit for drilling holes in skulls, are too dangerous to use in medical play.
The experienced dom, who acquired some of her skills in her previous job as a genital piercer, explains that the hottest new trend in medical play is pseudo dentistry. Kinksters love having their mouths filled with padding to make them drool, or feeling the touch of a latex glove-clad finger on their gums.
“In today’s society, there are few people who put their hands inside your mouth, which is a sensitive area,” she says. “With dental play, patients like the fear and arousal of not being able to see what the dentist is holding, and feeling the dom’s closeness.”
Like Matron, the Harley Street dom also discovered medical play under the tutelage of professional medical clients, and her talents include stapling a man’s scrotum to his thigh, sewing mouths shut, and stitching a man’s scrotum over his cock and balls in order to make his tackle “look like a pussy”.
These procedures all require careful attention and steady hands. “Surgical staples don’t go far into the skin and are safe,” our medic-dom explains. “But I have to be more careful with sutures because they pass through the skin, and can become infected. It’s important that I sterilise everything in medical play. Guys also shouldn’t cum over their stitches, but piss is fairly sterile so they can wee on them.”
While safety is essential, many ‘patients’ don’t want to be treated with the respect they expect from their local GP. “A common trick is to put a tampon in a patient’s mouth and sew it shut with the string hanging out,” she says. “The string acts like a wick, which can be put into a glass of piss for added humiliation. I can also sew someone’s cock to their leg, then make it erect with a vibrator so that the rising penis pulls on the stitches. But I don’t sew around the anus because that’s a health hazard; it’s best to keep away from faeces.”
Our London specialist also straps people to the gynae chair and is able to fist so deeply she can feel “the base of the spine”. Like Matron, she also performs catheterisation and has a male friend whose urethra is so stretched he can pump champagne into his bladder, then piss it back out. “It gave him a bit of bladder irritation for a few days, but if I had a penis, I’d be doing that all the time,” she laughs. “It’s an amazing party trick. It squirts out foaming!”
It seems contradictory to suggest medical play can be bad for your health, but it can be dangerous if it’s not done properly. Our medic-dom simulates breathplay involving rebreather circuits, which she describes as, “The classic black tubing and the big bag”. This equipment would allow a fetishist to breathe a contained amount of air until the oxygen levels dropped too low and the carbon dioxide levels became too high. Our medic-dom only pretends to oversee this procedure, because doing it for real could be fatal.
“I’ll put a mask on the patient’s face and talk them through the process,” she says. “But I don’t do anything illegal or high-risk.”
Our London specialist is also frank about needing real medical knowledge to get down to play. “It’s important to extend a duty of care to the person you’re playing with,” she warns. “The best medical fetish tool you can buy for your partner is your own first aid certification. Medical play is edge-play; it involves bodily fluids and can quickly become extreme. If the situation ever gets out of control – and thankfully, it never has with me – you need to call an ambulance.”
Using sterilised medical equipment is also essential for professional clinics and everything used in procedures should either be properly disposed of or well cleaned in machines, such as the medical-style ‘dishwashers’ used in hospitals. “People ask, ‘Is your clinic clean?’ Well, I don’t want to die, either,” says Matron. “Clients could bring in something that I could catch. I keep my tools sanitised and sterilised. When playing with catheters, everything must bepre-packed and sterile, and when I use colonic irrigation equipment, it’s all pre-packed and disposable. Nothing has gone wrong so far and I’ll never attempt anything that I’m not confident with. But I wouldn’t hesitate to dial 999 if something did.”
NIGHT, NIGHT NURSIE
Back at the Colonic Clinic, our play is safely done. It’s late and we’re in Matron’s stylish kitchen, tucking into one of her resplendent dinners; a banquet of king prawns and exotic salads. Mike’s still hobbling around on crutches, but now he has a spring in his hop and a glint in his eye. Noticing that some of Matron’s services are genuine detoxification procedures, I suggest that her clients must leave with radiant glows.
“At the Clinic you enjoy health treatment with fantasy and fetish, and there aren’t many places that provide accommodation, which let you enjoy an aperitif while watching the host cook,” says Matron. “You also get to dine with me while getting on my fucking nerves. Ha-ha!”
FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THE COLONIC CLINIC AT WWW.COLONIC-CLINIC.COM