Unicorns give you something to sit on - a big long face and a horn...they're nature's face dildos

What's the strangest thing you've ever had in your mouth?

Probably some old tits or something. Some old lady's tits. That's not such a weird thing, but I can't think of anything else strange I've had in my mouth. I'm into MILFs. That's the strangest thing I can think of. He Who Cannot Be Named's dick [from The Dwarves] was in there once, but he forced it in there. Not really. It wasn't really in my mouth. That was a joke. The MILF part was true. 

When was the tit incident?

Yesterday.

And who was the lucky lady?

She was about 55 and she was really hot. Brenda was her name.

How did you meet?

At my show. I attract older ladies sometimes. I did an acoustic show last night. There was a fight. People don't normally fight at acoustic shows, do they?

It's not normal. What caused it?

I've no idea. It was quite fun to see a fight at an acoustic show. It was rare and weird. 

It's like a fight breaking out at a poetry-reading.

That's where I was at with the whole thing. [Sings] "I gave my love a chicken / That had no bones" and shit like that, and people were fighting about it. If I sound weird, it's because I just woke up.

What's the weirdest animal you've ever ridden? 

I rode a horse once. It wasn't weird. I don't think I've ridden many animals. That was the one time and I was forced into it.

How were you forced into it?

I was with a friend and there was this horse area and they were like, "Get on it!" and I was like, "Horses are scary, man! They've got big long heads and shit!" They're weird, kind of scary in a sense. Horses have a strength about them that I'm kind of scared of. I don't know if that's weird. Probably not.

A mad horse is a pretty scary thing, kicking out all over the place...

And they really don't want me on their back.

I can't imagine they like it much.

"I'm going to ride on your back now, is that cool?" What must horses think of humans? Probably that we're massive S&M freaks because we put leather and buckles on them and then ride them about in public while they're naked. They must be like: "I can't wait to kick this pervert off my back."

Have you ever seen a ghost?

I grew up in a house that had a ghost which would take a shower. I think maybe this man died in the shower. We had this little washroom at the back of our house and there was a window, and my mom and everybody else saw this guy come out of their bedroom and into the shower numerous times. So I'd imagine this guy died in the shower. I can remember it. Getting in or out of the shower, he used to wear only a towel. And you could hear footsteps at night in the house. I wasn't just a kid imagining it because other people who came over would see it too.

Did you ever follow him?

We went inside to see who the hell it was, but nobody would be there. It was quite scary as a kid.

Did you ever try to research the house and see if anyone had died there?

No, but my mom said when we moved in they found the guy collected cigarette packs and he had hundreds of different ones stapled to the walls. Different brands and shit. It was a really weird kind of decoration for your whole home. Did that guy die smoking? I have no idea.

Do you ever hear voices in your head?

Sure. It happens every now and again if I'm lacking sleep or something. I guess it happens to everybody when you're in a studio and working late and can't get more than a power nap - eventually you start hearing things, which is good. You can get good lyrics that way. I make the most of it.

If you had to have sex with an animal, what would you choose?

Liz Taylor.

You'd sink that low?

If I had to - absolutely had to do something like that - then I don't know, it would be something like that. Before a crazy animal it would have to be a crazy person like that. People are animals too, you know. I couldn't look at an elephant and think, "Nice trunk, let's go home together, I've got some peanuts."

And then the elephant is back at yours thinking, "Oh shit, I thought he said peanuts."

I don't think I would. I'd have to take death or something. I have a dog and I never look at her and think, "Hey, nice tail, Molly. Your fur looks good today..." I'm not talking bad about people who do that, people have their things they're into. I don't really care.

"People are animals too" is the best sidestep anyone has ever given for that question.

It's true. Unicorns give you something to sit on. A big long face with a horn on. They're made for sex. Nature's face dildo. That's what they are.

What's the most violent thing you've done?

I broke a guy's arm once. I was married at one time in my life and this guy kicked my wife and I broke his arm. She was hurt. I saw red. I got five years' probation for it, which I'm now off. I took it too far, I guess. I had to do an anger-management class, which really pissed me off because I know I took it too far, but he kinda deserved it. I don't think I could kick somebody's wife and not get the living shit kicked out of me. I don't think that's something that can happen. Or that you wouldn't think, "Well, I deserved that." I can't understand where his logic was in even calling the police. But there are a lot of things I don't get. I did crack his head open, too, with a bass. The arm thing was because he put his arm up in the way of the bass. It wasn't like I maliciously broke his arm. I screwed up, you know? It was a long time ago.

What's the longest you've gone without sleep?

Probably a week with five-minute, 10-minute, 15-minute power naps. You can't just stay up, eventually you just fall asleep. When we were working on Rated R, we felt, "We gotta keep going." You can't quit when you're playing good.

Do you collect anything weird?

I collect things, but not anything weird. You know - porn mags, rock LPs, shit like that. Figurines of the devil. I collect children. They're in my basement. I'm kidding! I'm kidding! That's fucked-up.

Nick Oliveri and his Mondo Generator release the single 'I Never Sleep' through Mother Tongue Records on 21 August. It is followed in early September by the album Dead Planet: SonicSlowMotionTrails