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Ben Dover

The pornster talks, horses, turds and flappy flanges!

Ben Dover pictures

Porn actor, producer and director Steve Perry is better known as Ben Dover, star of umpteen gonzo grot flicks such as For Your Arse Only, Skool Of Cock, Ready Steady Cock and Greatest Tits. The 54-year-old won a Lifetime Achievement Award at the 2006 UK Adult Film Awards, and has his own line of sex toys and clothes, including the ‘Ben Dover Butt Breaking-In Kit’ and a penis-shaped tie. But… how Bizarre is he, eh?

Ben – you’ve seen a lot of wangers, bangers and cracks in your time. What’s the weirdest genitalia you’ve ever clapped eyes upon?

In the early 1980s, me and a couple of mates fell in with a posh set of rich Londoners who used to throw upmarket swinging parties in their mansions. We were rather popular on the scene, as lots of ancient old men used to get off on watching us young studs diddle their wrinkly wives. Once, I ended up with an incredibly sophisticated, lawyer-type lady in a tailored suit jacket and chic pencil skirt… which she took off to reveal extensively pierced, pendulous labia, with ten heavy rings running down each side, weighing down her skin. It wasn’t what I expected. I wish I’d asked her how she ever got through airport security.

What’s the oddest orgasm face you’ve encountered?

The most hilarious orgasm I’ve witnessed wasn’t weird because of the face the girl pulled, but because of the noise she made. I was shooting porn on location inside the home of this chick who was really into horses; she rode in gymkhanas, and kept ponies outside in a paddock. When she came, she whinnied just like a mare. It was incredibly realistic, and excruciatingly funny. The camerawork for that scene ended up really juddery because the crew were shaking with laughter.

If you had to have sex with an animal, what would you choose?

A horse, since I’ve practically shagged one already with that crazy lass. But only if I was a horse myself. I’d be a massively-endowed racing stallion who’s kept in luxury all its life and gets paid to service young fillies. I’d also have a bevy of hot stable hands to groom me, rub me down and keep my nosebag full, including Cheryl Cole and Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud. Megan Fox is beautiful too, but she’s got all those awful tattoos. I hate tattoos. I prefer untouched, well-bred looking women, like newsreaders and the opera singer Katherine Jenkins.

What’s your favourite title out of all the pun-packed porns you’ve named?

Sex And The Settee, which showcases loads of shagging on sofas. Don’t worry, I had the cushions cleaned afterwards.

If you weren’t a pornographer, what job would you have?

I’d work in motor racing or politics. I want to stand as an independent candidate at the next election, but you have to invest a hell of a lot of money and time.

If you knew you were about to die, what would you do?

This is going to sound dark, but I’d buy a huge automatic weapon then spend whatever time I had left tracking down everyone who’s annoyed me over the years and slaying them before going down in a hail of bullets. I’d like to perish in a way that made the news. I wouldn’t want to die while having sex, though. There’s not much magic there for me any more.

If you had a magic power, what would it be?

I’d like to be invisible. I wouldn’t use my power to sneak into bedrooms and spy on girls masturbating – I get to do that every day. Instead, I’d hide in banks overnight and use my transparency to rob them blind.

What’s the most unusual thing you’ve ever eaten?

I tried to eat deep fried grubs in Thailand in an attempt to impress my son, but I could only chew them for about a nanosecond. They were crunchy, scratchy little husks that tasted of rank stale oil. Another time I was on a dodgy aircraft that broke down and had to make a pit stop in Bangladesh. The flight company took everyone to this awful hotel. It had mould growing up the walls and dead bodies lying in the street outside. They served us chicken curry, but no-one fancied it because of the hideous conditions – not to mention that spicy, hygienically-dubious chow is the last thing you want before enduring another six hours on a shonky plane with a tiny toilet. But I was hungry, so I thought ‘fuck it’, and ate as much as I could. I didn’t suffer any ill effects either. Bowels of steel!

And now, the classic Bizarre challenge: choose between coprophilia, necrophilia and bestiality and explain your decision.

Oh my god! Jesus! Oh my goodness me! That’s disgusting. I’d go for coprophilia, but only with microscopic bits of shit. There could be tiny mosquitos flying around in the room while I was going at it with a hot bird, and they’d drop such miniscule turds on me that I wouldn’t even notice.

Ben Dover’s show An Evening With Ben Dover: Innocent Until Proven Filthy is on at the Underbelly at the Edinburgh Festival, 6-30 August (except 17)


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