Lita Ford was lead guitarist with 1970s all-girl rock band The Runaways, who are about to get their own Hollywood biopic starring Twilight’s Kristen Stewart as singer Joan Jett (see p56). Lita’s said that although she likes the actress who plays her, Scout Taylor-Compton, she doesn’t support the movie at all.

Following The Runaways split, Lita went solo, releasing hits including ‘Kiss Me Deadly’ and ‘Close My Eyes Forever’, a duet with Ozzy Osbourne. She’s just launched her first studio album in 14 years, Wicked Wonderland.

Hi Lita. Bizarre wants to get to know you… intimately. What part of your body smells the worst?
I guess it’s not my butt, because my husband (Jim Gillette, ex-frontman of glam rock band Nitro) can’t get enough of my asshole! He loves my asshole. I’ve never had my face stuck right up there like he has, so maybe Jim’s the guy to ask about the scent of my ass. He loves sucking my toes, too.

If you had to sleep with an animal, what would it be?
A gorilla, because Jim kinda looks like one – he’s big and hairy. And loud. As part of his act, he used to sing such incredibly high notes that, when amplified, they’d shatter crystal goblets arranged on the stage. My sons James and Rocco are used to hearing us going at it, although this morning Rocco asked whether it was a full moon last night, because he thought he’d heard werewolves howling. That would’ve been Jim. He sounds like he’s being murdered at our most intensely passionate moments.
 

Do your neighbours mind?
We live in the Caribbean, and our home is too far away from anyone else’s for the sexual hollering to be a disturbance. We do have one of those security systems which automatically calls the police to the house if it’s triggered in a certain way, though, and we accidentally set it off with our lovemaking recently. We have a really sturdy four-poster bed, but we were banging so hard that we broke some of the wooden slats supporting the mattress, and they boomed so loudly onto the floor that the alarm was tripped. We only realised when the cops showed up. The officers were cool about it, thankfully. They were fans so I gave them a CD.
 

Do you collect anything?
Ceramic pigs. I have about 100. I’d love to have a real piglet. Paris fuckin’ Hilton has just bought one of those miniature handbag-sized pet breeds called ‘teacup pigs’ and I’m insanely jealous.
 

So, you like porkers and porking. Ever encountered a strange-looking penis in your sexual adventures?
I’ve only seen Jim’s cock for the past 16 years, and I’m glad to say it’s perfect. I’ve seen some freaky animal penises, though. Pigs’ cocks twist around at the tip, like corkscrews.
 

Cockscrews, even! Got any of those in your collection?
No, but I did have a disturbing collection of items that one unhinged, stalker-type fan sent me for a while. He mailed me videos of himself playing with knives and axes, and dirty women’s lingerie that stank of spunk and sweat. He also claimed that he was the ‘real father’ of my sons, despite getting their names wrong. We had to get the authorities involved to put a stop to all this crazy stuff he was doing, because it began to escalate and get really fucking scary.
 

Shit. Moving on from disgusting things you’ve had in the mail, what’s the grossest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth?
I swigged from a bottle of water the other day and felt something scratchy swill against my cheek, so I spat it out. It was a live wasp that had fallen into my drink. It’s a good job it didn’t sting me. I was fine, and so was the wasp, which flew away apparently unharmed.
 

It’ll be bragging about that at the insect pub, swaggering about and boasting about how it got oral from Lita Ford.
Ha! It could have gone so wrong if I’d been stung and my throat had swollen up. Luckily, I’ve never really had a serious accident or been particularly badly hurt. My dad died in 1988, and my mum in 1990, and I think they’re watching over me and protecting me.
 

So you believe in ghosts, or an afterlife?
Yes, I do. I’m quite intuitive, too – I’ve been right so many times when I’ve had a bad feeling about things that Jim now just trusts my instincts without even questioning them. We’re weirdly in tune with each other in general – when I was expecting our first son, Jim put on weight too, like a phantom pregnancy. Yet while I only put on 11kg, Jim gained 27kg!
 

Finally, Bizarre’s classic question: if you had to choose between bestiality, coprophilia or necrophilia, which would you pick and why?
Necrophilia. Alice Cooper did a song about humping a dead girl called, ‘Cold Ethyl’. I’m doing a gig with him soon, so perhaps I’ll ask if we can shoot a new music video for it, with me playing the ‘frozen stiff’ main character, “making love under the refrigerator light”.

PLUS!

Lita’s youngest son, Rocco, 8, tells us how bizarre it is to have a rock star momma
“It’s awesome going on tour with mom and dad – I get to visit foreign countries and eat crazy foods like rattlesnake and crocodile, and I’m learning the drums. My parents are always having really noisy sex, but I don’t mind – they’re just doing their thing. Mind you, I was playing outside the tour bus once and it was rocking so much I’m pretty sure they broke the rear axle.”

Wicked Wonderland is out now. For more info, go to Litaxx.tv/lita