One-time nurse Abi Titmuss first found fame while dating TV presenter John Leslie during his trial for rape in 2003. John was judged innocent, but Abi split with him soon afterwards and built a reputation as a bad-girl glamour model with a relentless appetite for sex, appearing on the cover of several mens’ mags and publishing a volume of erotic stories.

Nowadays Abi works as a stage actress: she won a Fringe Report Award for Best West End Debut in 2007, and recently played Lady Macbeth at The Seagull Theatre, Lowestoft.

Do you collect anything strange?
When I was a kid I used to collect rubbers. Erasers, I mean – I wasn’t some incredibly forward condom-hoarding 10-year-old! I had hundreds of them in cute little novelty shapes, and some were scented, including a tiny Big Mac that smelled of burgers and ketchup. I also had one huge plain rubber, which I used to clean smudges off the fancy ones.

What’s your biggest turn-off?
Badly-made porn films. I watched a dirty DVD a while ago that showed a woman trying to walk sexily past a swimming pool towards some beefy guy, but she was smeared with so much baby oil that she was slipping and sliding out of her stilettos – so she was hobbling like a lame pigeon. Then a dog started barking in the background.

What’s the worst accident you’ve ever witnessed?
I saw all sorts of injuries when I worked in a hospital, but I’ll never forget one guy who came into A&E on his stag night. He’d fallen down an escalator, but we knew exactly what’d happened before he said a word, because he had bloody imprints from the metal grooves in the escalator steps all over his face.

Do you have any phobias?
Unfaithful men. And footballers. They’re pretty much the same thing.

Do you have any recurring dreams?
I often have nightmares that I’m about to marry the wrong man. It’s always an ex-boyfriend, but never the same person.

Yesterday I dreamed I was about to get hitched to a lad I dated in primary school. I’m sweating and panicking as I’m parading down the aisle, but I always wake up just before I say “I do”.

I walk and talk in my sleep, too. Recently I rolled out of bed to find that I’d spent the night building a huge pile of all my belongings in the middle of my room, topped with a hairdryer.

Another morning I woke up screaming, “Local vicar! Local vicar!” – I was dreaming that I needed to find a reverend to help me perform an exorcism.

Do you believe in ghosts?
Definitely. My ‘glowing orbs’ made the headlines in a local paper once… and, no, I’m not talking about my breasts! I was doing a photoshoot at the Theatre Royal in Wakefield to promote a play I was starring in, but the photographer complained that bright green globes kept appearing on every snap he took of me.

Even if I stayed perfectly still, the orbs changed position around my body in each shot – but they didn’t appear at all if I wasn’t in the picture. It was spooky and inexplicable. I recently found out that ghost hunters from TV’s Most Haunted once detected 48 ‘presences’ in the building.
 
What’s the oddest experience you’ve ever had with a fan?
A guy from a college in my hometown of Lincolnshire wrote a musical about me called Being Abi, but it was never performed because some students’ parents objected to its content.

I was sent a CD of the songs, but I haven’t listened to them because I worry what’d happen if they turned out to be catchy; I don’t want to get a tune stuck in my head then get caught absentmindedly singing about myself. How egotistical!
 
If you had to sleep with an animal, what would you choose?
I’d make myself an ant, and I’d shag a rhinoceros.

What…?
In honour of my favourite joke. An ant’s busily shafting a rhino – he’s really going for it, bonking this big old leathery lady, pumping fast, hard and enthusiastically.

While he’s frantically popping his tiny ant pecker in and out, a branch falls off a nearby tree and hits the rhino on the head. “Ow!” exclaims the rhino. “Yeah! Take it, bitch!” says the ant.
 
What’s the strangest crush you’ve had?
I used to fancy Jessica Rabbit. She’s a girl, and a cartoon, so I suppose that’s a bit weird. I don’t fancy that woman from Bizarre 159 who had plastic surgery to look like Jessica Rabbit, though.
 
Finally, the classic Bizarre question: necrophilia, bestiality or coprophilia? Pick one, Abi. We’re forcing you…
Necrophilia, but only so I can dress myself and my lover as sexy vampires.
 
Find out more at Abititmuss.co.uk