DOWNLOAD
June 11-13, Donington
Downloadfestival.co.uk
+ AC/DC back in Donington for the first time in 19 years + Deftones, Rage Against The Machine, Megadeth, Lamb of God, Billy Idol, Motörhead, Bullet For My Valentine, HIM, 30 Seconds To Mars + Aerosmith have confirmed they'll be appearing with Land Of Leather’s unofficial mascot, Steve "I’m the motherfucking rainbow" Tyler, despite rumours of a split

RELENTLESS NASS
July 9-11, Somerset
Relentlessnass.com
+ A music and extreme sports fest + Hadouken!, Bowling For Soup, Jaguar Skills, The Ghost Of A Thousand + Euro BMX and World Cup Skateboarding contests, freestyle motocross, inline skating + Reverse bungee jumping +  Miss Wet n’ Wild wet T-shirt competition (last year’s hosts were Kitty Lea and Vikki Blows) + Roller derby, breakdancing, parkour (urban free running)

LATITUDE
July 15-18, Suffolk
Latitudefestival.co.uk
+ Belle and Sebastian, Vampire Weekend, The Horrors, Florence and her Machine of suspiciously unspecified industrial action + American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis + Modern Toss cartoons + Improvised comedy musicals + The Mighty Boosh’s Rich Fulcher + Riz MC (the main actor in Chris Morris’s new film Four Lions) mixing ‘rave with interactive theatre’

LOVEBOX
July 16-18, London
Lovebox.net
+ Argh, GRACE JONES! + Peaches, Roxy Music, Paloma Faith, Noisettes, Chromeo, Tim Westwood (who’s actually a surprisingly great feel-good party-style DJ when he’s not busy dropping bombs and pimping rides) + Jonny Woo! +  ‘Travelling homo disco’ NYC Downlow, who make guests wear stick-on porn-star moustaches, inside a huge derelict New York street set

SECRET GARDEN PARTY
July 22-25, East Anglia
Secretgardenparty.com
+ Gorillaz, Mercury Rev, Marina & The Diamonds, beatboxer Killa Kela, Charli XCX (keep an eye on this neon nutbag – we met her dressed as a clown at a Scottee show and she was lovely but bonkers) + This year’s fest has a ‘Fact Or Fiction’ theme, inspired by Heath Robinson, Escher, and Dali + Barefoot acoustic discos + Fireside fairy tale-telling in ‘The Forest’ + Bands in trees

SONISPHERE
July 30-August 1, Knebworth
Sonispherefestivals.com
The Bizarre Bohemia tent on Friday night!!! See you there+ Iron Maiden, Rammstein, Pendulum, Alice Cooper, Placebo, Mötley Crüe, Slayer, Skunk Anansie, Fear Factory, Gallows… freakin’ LOADS of RAAAAAWK! + Spoken word performance by Black Flag front man Henry Rollins

KENDAL CALLING
July 30-August 1,
Lake District
Kendalcalling.co.uk
+ A fab little fest that punches way above its weight + Badly Drawn Boy, The Futureheads, Stereo MCs, Doves, Calvin Harris, OK Go – the blokes who invented treadmill dance routines + Splifftastic Howard ‘Mr Nice’ Marks + Shot putting with water balloons and potato tossing at the ‘Cumbrian Olympics’ + A solar-powered glowing bandstand

THE BIG CHILL
August 5-8, Herefordshire
Bigchill.net
+ M.I.A., Massive Attack, Mr Scruff and Candi Staton: the woman who hollered, ‘You Got The Love’ yonks before Florence And The Machine-that-makes-fuck-knows-what + A ‘breathable fruit cloud’ cooked up by couture chefs Bompas & Parr, famous for their glowing jellies + Photographer Spencer Tunick getting guests to pose in the buff + Cringe diary readings

STANDON CALLING
August 6-8, Herts
Standon-calling.com
+Boutique festival set on the grounds of a 16th century manor + 2010’s theme: ‘Murder On The Standon Express’ – think whodunits and serial killers + Get a shave and a pie from Sweeney Todd  + Play ‘wink murder’ on the dancefloor + Free hooch in swinging speakeasies and vitamin drinks magically left outside your tent in the morning + Swimming pool l 24-hour club in a cowshed

READING/LEEDS
August 27-29, Duh...
Readingfestival.com Leedsmusicfestival.com
+ Guns N' Roses, Queens Of The Stone Age, Biffy Clyro, Gogol Bordello, NOFX, Blink-182, Pendulum, Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse, Crystal Castles, Paramore, Weezer, Cypress Hill, Limp Bizkit (will they bring the chocolate starfish and/or the hotdog-flavoured water?) + Two silent discos, where you
listen to the DJs through headphones – these were amazing last year

BESTIVAL
September 9-12,
Isle of Wight
Bestival.net
+ The Prodigy, LCD Soundsystem, Flaming Lips, Hot Chip, Chrome Hoof, DJ Yoda, Marc Almond, the super-cute-and-swingin’ Kitty, Daisy & Lewis + Beardyman – he of the awesome beatbox cookery YouTube vid + The Vegetable Orchestra, who play leek violins and cucumberophones + Time For Tease burlesque and tea tent + Get hitched in an inflatable church +  ‘Fantasy’ fancy-dress theme