Everyone’s heard the old urban legend about the disgruntled worker at (insert whatever fast-food chain you want) who decides to put a little of himself into his work. According to some urban legend stats, there’s up to four different samples of semen in a

McDonald’s burger.

The legacy continues with a recent case where a seventeen year old has been forced to pay 0 and perform 120 hours community service after adding “bodily fluid based contaminant” to the salad dressing at his high school cafeteria.

The judge condemned his actions as being “beyond stupid”, and forced him t work with an AIDs agency during his community service. His local school board has also expelled him after he admitted that he’d taken a bottle of salad dressing from the cafeteria into a bathroom and ejaculated into it before returning it. He expresses remorse, and claims that he was inspired after watching a movie filled with crude stunts.

*Please don't sue us, Sir McDonald