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When Circus of Horrors ringmaster Dr Haze told Bizarre he was taking his kooky crew to a field full of shirehorses with huge organs, we imagined he was planning some kind of hideous stunt involving Garry Stretch and several oversized pony knobs.

Thankfully, he meant the old-fashioned, steam-powered musical organs displayed alongside vintage tractors, trains and trucks at The Great Dorset Steam Fair on 27 August.

After choo-choo-chewing over several ideas, the doc of shock devised a new series of Victorian-style freak shows for the event, inviting guests to marvel at his monstrous mob, just as crowds gawped at carnival sideshows back in the age of the coal-fired engine.

Bizarre’s Alix Fox was tickled pink to attend… but ended up being pickled pink after the Circus’ Anast’Asia IV and Niki taught her to contort into a bottle just 2ft high and 18in wide.

Being a chatty sort, plenty of folk have told Foxy to can it – but no-one’s ever told her how to bottle it the way Niki does. “Pop your head in first, with your hands on the top of the jar for stability,” she tells Alix. “Then shuffle your bum as far back as it will go. Next, slide your back up the glass, lifting your butt cheeks off the ground so there’s enough room for you to cross each leg in. Finally, tuck your arms inside and pull the door shut.”

Amazingly, Foxy slides into the Perspex container as if she’s lubed with a vat of Vaseline – but as she congratulates herself on her natural genius, disaster strikes and her second leg gets stuck. Luckily, Anast’Asia IV – girlfriend of Hannibal Helmurto, who taught us how to swallow swords back in Bizarre 135 – rushes to her aid, folding Foxy’s toes like origami, forcing her foot home and locking the door. “I’m going to put a cloth over the jar to hide you until the audience are inside the tent,” she says. “Just a second…”

Ten long minutes later, the casing is misted with Foxy’s condensed breath. If you’re not claustrophobic, Alix says it’s quite comfy inside the R2-D2-shaped house, although you might get pins and needles in your feet; however, stay in too long and you’ll get dizzy as the oxygen runs out. Thankfully, Dr Haze opens the hatch a little while the crowd take their seats, so Foxy doesn’t asphyxiate and she eventually decants herself onto the stage just fine.

Which is more than can be said for fellow freak Mongolian Laughing Boy, whose face is streaming with blood after driving a skewer through his cheeks. “I’ll reduce the swelling with a bit of magic cream,” he smiles. What’s that then? “Anusol. For haemorrhoids.”