Thursday, 4th February

Controversial pet piercer Holly Crawford yesterday went on trial for animal cruelty. She was charged for piercing three week old kittens up to ten times, in order to turn them into 'gothic cats', before selling them on eBay.

Julia Popova had an unusual response to being stabbed in the back with a six inch blade - nothing at all. Impaled after being mugged, the Russian's shock meant she didn't notice the large knife just inches from her spinal cord and went home, where her parents, allegedly, totally freaked out. 

This story sounds like a bad joke - how many kids can a drunk South African on a school-run get in his 16 seat minibus? Answer: 49. Five times over the legal limit and with more than three times the number of kids he could carry. Impressively idiotic. In China, another parent in the firing line is Chen Chuanliu, who, unable to pay for childcare or afford time off work, has been chaining his two-year-old son to a lamppost every day.

Closer to home, a third of Britons believe a fat, self-parodic, brainless animated buffoon is the leader of the BNP. Really? Only a third? Makers of Family Guy are doubtless pleased.

And if you do get your kicks from cartoons, think Jessica Rabbit is ravishing and like your ladies sexy, sultry and hand-drawn, check out these mocked-up Playboy covers. Animating.