Monday, 8th February

Everyone knows the perils of cowboy builders. if someone tells you they can throw up a conservatory in three days chances are their construction material will mostly be paper, glue and spittle. But this project is proper garbage. Really, replacing concrete with sacks of rubbish is not a good move. Especially when building a bridge. 

Meanwhile Akbar Zib, a Pakistani diplomat, has a serious problem. Having already been turned down by Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia are the latest nation to reject Zib as an ambassador. Why? Because his name translates into Arabic as 'biggest dick.'

Timothy Ray Sutton, of Tennessee, was in trouble last week, with both the law and his missus. The 23-year-old filed a police report claiming he was robbed . In truth, the altruistic Sutton gave the money to a homeless man and lied in order to avoid an argument with his wife. She must've been really peeved at having to pay is ,000 bail. Meanwhile a Wyoming man, looking for a safe place to hide out after stealing a bottle of booze from a corner store, choose somewhere no one would look for him. A police station.

In Australia, the 'Space Cowboy' Chayne Hultgren has shown off his sharp skills by setting a new world record by simultaneously swallowing 18 swords. But if you fancied a blunter, and altogether messier, weapon of choice, you could always plump for this adorable Hello Kitty chainsaw. Puts a smile on the face of your victim before you put their insides on the floor. 

What do you think of today's headlines? Got any of your own? Leave your comments below...