Yesterday morning Thomas Chatfield stole a 4x4 and took it on a four-mile low-speed joy ride. Driving erratically, he careered into traffic and eventually hit a brick wall. But this isn’t your average car thief – little Thomas is just five-years-old. He took car keys from his mother’s purse and somehow managed to start up his stepfather’s huge Mitsubishi, reversing it out of the drive (hitting two vehicles) and then driving off. Others motorists, on seeing a car being driven by a small child, called 999 and the tearful boy as removed from the car unhurt after bumping into a wall. Police said: “For a five year old he had driven quite well.”

Thomas was suitably upset at the incident, but if he was in Kent he could have received a police-authorised ‘Trauma Teddy’ to quell his tears. Kent police officers will carry the teddies in all cars in order to comfort a child who is involved in a motor accident.

Meanwhile a man, identified only as ‘Memeth J’, hopes his bum proves unrecognisable after he was snapped scrambling naked from a fire which had broke out in a transsexual brothel. Insisting he wasn’t a punter, ‘Memeth’ said he hoped the from behind pic won’t reveal his identity: “I’m gay but my family don’t know about me so I couldn’t show my face.”

Lip gloss which turns colour depending on how (ahem) frisky the wearer is feeling has been invented. Cosmetic company Too Faced have come up with Mood Swing Emotionally Activated Lip Gloss that turns deep crimson if the person is up for the face-to-face filthy shuffle.

Finally check out this video gallery of celebrities in Japanese advertisements – they clearly thought very few Westerners would ever get to see these but, thanks to the wonders of YouTube, we all get to point and laugh. Although, fair warning, Hulk Hogan is known to leg drop anyone who laughs at him.