Monday, 29th March

Police – sworn to protect and serve. And possibly get boozed up when keeping the peace. At least they could be in Arunachal Pradesh, India, where officers have been encouraged to have a beer or two while on duty. Home Minister Tako Dabi said: “If the policeman does drink a bit, it’s akin to consuming water. Even I drink a lot; it generates a lot of energy.” But the energy generated by drinking is usually expended drinking more, eating kebabs and standing in a taxi queue. Not fighting crime.

One extremely embarrassed German teenager is currently counting the cost (€40,000) of his errant cobra. The highly poisonous snake escaped from its enclosure, causing a panicked hunt for the reptile. Emergency services we’re called in and the apartment was completely gutted and then, finally, demolished. 

Ever wanted to see an entire geographical area possibly destroyed by giant poo bubbles? Lucky day for you, weirdo, as a poo lagoon at an Indiana dairy farm is currently posing a real, and hilarious, danger to the local area. The manure lake is currently giving off huge bubbles (allegedly as big as a house) of methane gas and faeces which are threatening the surrounding area with a reeking demise.

Top two ways to waste your money. Firstly here’s a plain green t-shirt which has been torn, ripped and slashed full of holes. And you can buy it for ,625. The horror. Much less offensive (but just as baffling, and a little NSFW) is web gaming service GameCrush. For .60 (£4.40) you can enjoy ten minutes of fragging fun with a skimpily clad gamer, and then rate them in the categories of ‘hotness, gaming skill and flirtiness.’ UPDATE: Seems the fledgling service has proved so popular, its servers have crashed. So, if interested, get in the queue.

And if you’re travelling to Asia any time in the near future remember – watch what you put in your mouth.  Here's five potentially lethal Asian foods.

What do you think of today's headlines? Got any of your own? Leave your comments below...