Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the rarest of them all? We’re in sculptor Andrew Logan’s studio in London. Sunlight streams through the transparent roof above Bizarre, and glints off glittering mosaics, models, mobiles and murals, all encrusted with shiny shards of glass. The walls dance with reflections and refracted rainbows. Yet the most sparkling thing in the room is Andrew.
At once sagely calm and brimming with joyful energy, the 63-year-old sculptor is famous not only for his mirrored works of art, but also for founding Alternative Miss World: a surreal, subversive pageant that’s “not about beauty but transformation, making the ordinary extraordinary via outlandish costume and creative free rein”.
Andrew launched the contest in 1972, inspired by Crufts dog show. His “friends, family, and a motley collection of freaks, fops and show-offs” got seriously dressed up, then competed in the categories of day-wear, swim-wear, and evening-wear, strutting along a catwalk made from orange boxes in a disused jigsaw factory in Hackney, London.
The carnival-esque celebration proved so popular that Andrew has organised sporadic pageants ever since, giving each a different theme and arranging them whenever he has time between art projects. The party was nearly pooped in 1978, when a legal objection to use of the name ‘Miss World’ was raised by that contest’s creator, Eric Morley, but the case was thrown out of court by then-barrister Tony Blair – and so the show goes on.
Miss-ing in action
The 12th Alternative Miss World was held at London’s Roundhouse in May. “This year’s theme is ‘Elemental’, with the emphasis on ‘mental’!” laughs Andrew, as we chat to him the evening before the event. “It’s a fusion of motifs from previous years: Water, Earth, Air, Fire, and Void – a challenging subject to interpret in an outfit. Ideas like emptiness, black holes and intergalactic worlds fascinate me. The older I get, the more my mind floats into outer space.”
Spaceman Andrew certainly knows his share of stars. This year’s panel of judges include Julian Clary, Rocky Horror bods Richard O’Brien and Tim Curry, fashion designer Zandra Rhodes, Bizarre Ball transensational compere Jonny Woo (in the yellow-wigged guise of ‘Lady Gargoyle’), and entertainer Amy Lamé, wearing a woollen ‘knit tit’ boob-shaped hat. Ruby Wax presents the show with Andrew, who always appears as both host and hostess; his costumes split down the middle, one half female and one male.
Ladyboy meets world
Speaking of gender bending, let’s bust a myth; Alt Miss World isn’t just for trannies. “There are lots of cross-dressing entrants, but anyone can compete provided they have imagination. Unfortunately, that’s something many individuals don’t truly possess,” laments Andrew. “Much of modern society is narrow-visioned and overly-influenced by trends.
The UK, however, seems to have more adventurous dreamers than elsewhere, maybe because we’re so privileged; we’re able to indulge in art, flamboyance and frivolity here relatively unrestrained by religion or authority. I think that should be celebrated more.”
Andrew never knows who AMW’s contestants are until the night; a friend is in charge of a loose audition process to select 20 participants, but after that, virtually nothing is planned. “Crazy surprises are part of the fun at AMW,” Andrew says. “For instance, I always coronate the winner with specially-made jewels; one year I sat them on a real-life donkey throne which jumped off stage and ran round the crowd.
And once Derek Jarman (late, great avant-garde film director) appeared as Miss Crepe Suzette, with a hat in the shape of a frog wearing earrings. He answered questions by playing back robotic pre-recorded answers on a Walkman. Other delightful shocks included Miss Aldershot, who brought a 500-strong choir, and Miss Piss, who dressed in a nappy and used a potty in her routine...”
The only act Andrew has ever banned is Genesis P-Orridge, the extreme genius behind shock band Throbbing Gristle who had plastic surgery to look like his wife (see Bizarre 131). “He wanted to dissect a live chicken, but I detest animal cruelty. I’d like an animal to win AMW some day. A giraffe would be wonderful.”
Free range and deranged
Well, a chicken does feature this year: a contestant dressed as ‘trailer trash’ spills a greasy bucket of fried wings over the stage while wearing a giant cardboard caravan.
Another entrant – dressed as the hurricane from The Wizard Of Oz – destroys the caravan, to reveal that beneath the costume his rival is shagging a blow-up sex doll. Miss Hokusai represents the element ‘air’ by hooking herself up to several canisters of oxygen and being wheeled across the stage on a gurney by two geisha surgeons.
The guests are a spectacle, too – we spot a dress with all the elements of the periodic table clipped to it, a glitterball motorbike helmet, and a guy with a fluorescent marrow strapped to his forehead.
But there’s no doubt that the 2009 Alternative Miss World winner deserves her coveted crown. Burlesque artist Fancy Chance emerges in an 8ft-high silver evening dress. Her skirts lift to reveal a brass steampunk machine beneath a steel crinoline, powered by two men on bicycles, with a bubbling tube of neon yellow liquid in the centre. Next, she gives the term ‘hair-raising’ new meaning as she’s winched out of the frock by her ponytail alone, suspended by the roots of her locks and spinning her in the air.
Andrews asks what she’d do if she took the title. “Give everyone a free scalp massage!” is Ms Chance’s reply. “And install more public toilets in small villages.” Royal flush, anyone?





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