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News and Videos: Unusual Gifts

 

Bizarre Gift Guide

The best nonsense money can buy. The weirdest, strangest Christmas presents you'll find anywhere!

 
     
1.

Skeleton Hand Hairslides

£12.95

Retrorebels.co.uk


Have someone else run their fingers through your hair with these morbid adornments for lifeless folli-culls.



 
2.

Naughty Knot

£19.95

Boysstuff.co.uk


Wrap yourself up in this red satin ribbon and – ahem – ‘present’ yourself to your partner. Your
nearly-naked body is guaranteed to make a far better gift than a shit pair of socks or one of those miniature potted stilton cheeses with apricots in it that tastes of bile.


ORGASMIC OFFER!
Enter the code BIZARRE1 at the checkout to get 10 per cent off everything at Boysstuff.co.uk until 24 Dec!



 
3.

Naughty Knot

£19.95

Boysstuff.co.uk


Wrap yourself up in this red satin ribbon and – ahem – ‘present’ yourself to your partner. Your
nearly-naked body is guaranteed to make a far better gift than a shit pair of socks or one of those miniature potted stilton cheeses with apricots in it that tastes of bile.


ORGASMIC OFFER!
Enter the code BIZARRE1 at the checkout to get 10 per cent off everything at Boysstuff.co.uk until 24 Dec!



 
4.

Miracle Berry Tablets

£9.95

Firebox.com


Made from West African berries, these taste bud-bending tabs make sour things seem sweet: lick
a lemon and you’ll taste toffee instead of tang, while Guinness turns into chocolate milkshake. The fucked-up effect lasts about two hours. Chow-wow-wah!

DEBAUCHED DISCOUNT!
Enter the code BIZARRE7 at the checkout to get £5 off at Firebox until 23 Dec!



 
     
5.

Gothic Doll Necklace

£13

Ladyluckrulesok.com

This dinky dolly can be printed with any word up to nine letters long. Russian order one right now.



 
6.

‘You Will Obey Me’ Babygro

£16

Kidsrock.co.uk


We wish they made these for adults. Then we wouldn’t have to almost cut ourselves in half trying to squeeze into these tiny ones. Dr Blackthorn might never walk again, and Tom Broadbent
can no longer reproduce.



 
7.

Skull Cushions


£30

Sacredstitches.co.uk


Soft furnishings with hard-as-nails designs. Hand sewn, limited edition, and high quality enough to support your weight as you flop onto the sofa at the end of a hard day – even if your fat ass weighs skele-tons.

CUSHION craziness!
Until Xmas, enter code BIZARRE at the checkout to get 10 per cent discount plus free P&P, even on international orders!



 
8.

Terrorist Teapot


£20

Suck.uk.com


I’m a little teapot, short and stout, with a balaclava cosy to warm my spout; pour yourself a cuppa, grab a biccie and get dipping – just be careful your new brew pot doesn’t shoot you while you’re sipping.


SCHWING! SEXUAL SAVING!
Enter code BIZARRETEA at the checkout to get 10 per cent off all orders over £15 until 6 Jan!



 
     
9.

Rope Bondage Kit


£50,

Esinem.com/main-ropesales


You’re bound to love this professional bondage set, including jute rope, shears, Japanese tsubaki treatment oil and advice notes. If you’re not tied up one evening or weekend (but would like to be…) check out Esinem’s spellbinding binding courses too.



 
10.

USB Mix Tape


£19.99

iwoot.com


Rewind back to the 1980s and pretend to be ‘romantic’ when you’re really just being dirt cheap, by making your loved one a mix tape of all your favourite tunes (except this time, they’ll be MP3s stored on the concealed USB key).



 
11.

Mitch O’Connell Skateboard Decks


£37

Popartskateboards.com

Got the itch for some kitsch Mitch? Then get your skates on and bag yourself one of these exclusive decks featuring the artist’s designs. Then take it for a daily grind.



 
12.

Love Bunny Vibrator


£9.99

Lovehoney.co.uk/bizarre

They may be dinky (and squeal-inducingly cute), but these baby bunnies pack a big buzz – plus they have their own flirty Facebook application. Why not introduce the whole warren to your furry love sporran?

BALL-BUSTING BARGAINS!
Go to Lovehoney.co.uk/bizarre for 10 per cent off everything until 28 Dec!



 
     
13.

50s-style Prom Dress

£59

Vivienofholloway.com


From Vivien of Holloway, the lady responsible for sewing the high-collared silver space suits that The Priscillas wore on the Bizarre Ball stage (p89), comes this red-hot number. Wear it and turn heads more times than a skipping DVD of The Exorcist.

Frock off!
Enter the code BIZZXAS08 at the checkout and get 10 per cent off everything at Vivien’s shop! Not in conjunction with any other offer; doesn’t include sale stock



 
14.

Ball And Chain Handbag

£7.99

Fancydress.com


An amazing Angels Fancy Dress accessory, but be careful who you ask to buy it for you. Tell one of our Body Mod Masters you want a ball to hang off your wrist and you’ll end up with a testicle grafted to your forearm.



 
15.

Pubic Hair Dye

£16.95,

Sextoys.co.uk


Give your short’n’curlies a fluorescent makeover or colour your carpet to match your drapes with this permanent pube dye. Our Foxy tried the pink version and now if she stands on one leg, her flump looks like a flamingo.



 
16.

Alice In Wonderland Necklace


£15.50,

Temporary-secretary.com


Swap carols for Carroll this Christmas with this
charming necklace. Coming soon: Lice In Wonderland
hair clips and Rabbit Hole vaginal jewellery.



 
       
17.

Coop ‘Bride Of Frankenstein’ Hoodie

£26.75

Sourpussclothing.com


It’s all good in the hood – especially when your back is emblazoned with a neon nipple-clamping necro nymph. Jackets by Coop; so much cooler than jackets by Co-Op. 



 
18.

Absinthe Aftershave


£44

Absolument.net


A fragrance made with absinthe and cannabis. Smells like when our designer Mike tried to scent himself with a half-empty Glade Plug-In that he found on the road.



 
19.

Road Kill Toy


£25, Roadkilltoys.com

Whether you choose a hedgehog splattered by a roadhog or a rabbit that got caught in the headlights, each squished squashy plushie comes with guts you can pull out through concealed zips, a toe tag, death certificate, body bag and ‘I Love Roadkill’ bumper sticker.



 
 
 
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