Even someone casually scanning that (albeit slightly biased) cross section of Alicia's films might notice a rather subtle thread running through them all. Yep, you got it right: The cute, funny, blonde Manc one is not averse to a little anal every now and then and now and then and now. And then. And now again. In fact she likes it so much that she can fit her fist up her own ass. Doesn't she seem so us?
Hi Alicia.
Hi James.
In photos sometimes you look sweet and innocent, some-times you look demonic and sometimes you look like a blonde Tina Barrett from S Club 7. Discuss.
I guess everybody has their doppelganger. When I do shoots in England they're all soft and gentle but in the US it isn't like that. I have to take on whatever role the director wants. I need to be able to be a dominatrix or a schoolgirl. You have to be able to act. I have to be able to play anything.
You couldn't play a 7ft black man.
I could. Probably.
You think so?
I could put some big heels on.
I'd love to see you play a 7ft black man.
I have played with a 7ft black man.
Don't take this the wrong way - I think it is a very charming feature about you - but you do have quite a big mouth.
Do I?
You haven't noticed before?
I have big natural lips. I don't think my mouth is that big. My other facial features are really small so it just looks like I have a big mouth. I can fit a lot in there.
I know, I've seen some filthy mpegs on the internet. Do you know how many digestives you can get in that thing?
I've never tried but I've had two cocks in there... about three times.
If you can get more than 14 Mini Cheddars in there then I will give you my Mini Cheddars champion sash.
I could beat that easy; I can fit my fist in my mouth.
No shit, really?
Really. I can fit it up my ass as well.
Holy fucking cow! You're joking?
Not the whole thing. If my arm was a bit longer then I'd be able to.
What was it like the first time you stuck it up there?
I can't remember.
Only a porn star could not remember the first time they fisted their own ass.
It was probably in the heat of the moment. I guess I just tried it and realised it fitted.
It is a pity that they don't do a pornographic Guinness Book Of Records. Do you have a particularly small fist?
It is quite small, yes.
So to put this in terms that people might understand better - you could probably fit a small Afghan puppy's nose up your ass?
Maybe, but I wouldn't put it through the trauma.
That wouldn't traumatise it.
Of course it would. I think that is going a bit far.
What about golden showers, is that going too far?
I am not too keen on it. I don't mind people peeing on my body, but I don't like to drink it. If we were meant to drink it, it would be on sale at the supermarket.
How much money would be enough to make you drink your own pee?
If I had already done a scene and they offered another £1,000, then -
You're kidding?
Wouldn't you drink your own pee, or at least taste it, for £1,000?
Am I homeless?
If you had just been paid £1,000 for a scene?
Maybe.
I have peed when I was in what we call the piledriver position, where your legs are back over behind your head and it sprayed up like a fountain.
And there is still an empty plinth in Trafalgar Square? That's ridiculous. I was looking around your website -
I don't have a website.
Oh, well, that's good because I was about to say how crap it was.
I had an old website but I closed that.
The website tour was less interesting than a tour round my own back yard. There is a small picture with the caption, "I grind my pussy in my girl friend's open mouth," and when you click it, it won't show you anything until you hand over some money.
My new website is going to be much better. It will have a shop and my diary. It will be brilliant.
That other one doesn't have any pictures that you can drag onto your desktop, print up, laminate, take home and rub against yourself until you climax.
I am going to get a much bigger, better website by the people who have done Jo Guest's.
Do you know Jo Guest?
I met her once but I don't know her.
If you had to fight her for your life, could you beat her?
Of course, I'm from Manchester, I'm streetwise and all that. I'm not really a fighter, but if I was fighting for my life then I could beat anybody. It would make a change from beating off guys in my movies.
I had a dream about you and Jo Guest fighting. She was in fluffy pyjamas trying to hit you with a pillow but she didn't know that you had a hunting knife strapped to your shin. Then you stabbed her. To death. Through the head.
I don't think I could do that.
Oh well. How has being from Manchester blighted your life?
The only thing is when I go travelling people always ask me if I support Manchester United or Manchester City.
Which is it?
I'm not really into football. I am only interested in balls I can fit in my mouth.
Having seen those mpegs I reckon you could fit a football in your mouth.
Being a Northerner I am more into rugby than football.
Have you played?
I used to play. The girls were real bitches. Grabbing hold of you by the hair and grabbing your tits when they tackled you. It prepared me well for the porn movies I went on to make.
Were you a hooker? Sorry. I can't help myself sometimes.
I played hooker and scrum half.
Did they make you play in G-strings and nipple tassels?
No, we had full kit. In the showers afterwards we were naked.
Tell me more.
We were all very young and we used to look at each other a lot. You know, comparing bodies.
By "look at" do you really mean "rub your chin on"?
Nothing like that happened.
Oh, OK. Moving on, I notice that you have made a lot of films.
Sometimes I feel like all I do is fuck, eat, sleep and shit.
At the same time?
Of course not.
Bad experience?
Have I had any bad experiences?
I meant eating, fucking, sleeping and shitting at the same time?
Of course not.
Run me through your typical day.
I get up, jump in the shower, stick the shower hose up my ass -
You don't do that.
Yes, I do.
What, actually stick the shower hose up yourself?
I don't stick it up there, I just use the pressure to clean myself out.
Don't make it sound like such a stupid question, you can fit your fist up there. Do you do that every morning?
As often as possible. It helps you lose weight. It gets rid of all that excess -
Stop right there. I don't want to know about the excess whatever that you are cleaning out. I can imagine.
It is good for you.
Sorry to interrupt but someone has put 'Superman Is Dead' by Wool on the office stereo in memory of Christopher Reeve. Isn't it sad about him dying?
It made me really sad.
Because you had your sights on him?
It was ironic how he was Superman and then ended up in a wheelchair.
I think the majority of the media have used the word 'tragic' not 'ironic'.
You know what I mean.
When we talked before you said that if you were in a loving relationship with a quadriplegic you would still have sex with them.
If somebody who I loved became a quadriplegic then I would still suck them.
Joke's on you missy, because they wouldn't be able to feel it.
Sex isn't just about feelings it is also about mental stimulation.
Good comeback. What if they had a little voice box like Stephen Hawking, wouldn't that freak you out?
Not if I loved them.
It would sound like you were pleasuring an Apple Mac.
I wouldn't do it in a film. I would only do it if it was someone that I loved.
What about a midget?
I wouldn't fuck a midget. No way. It would be like a Chucky doll fucking me. That would give me nightmares for the rest of my life. The little arms and legs. Eeuurgh.
Five grand cash?
No. It would have to be a million.
What about a giant?
Yeah. I would fuck a giant.
Why a giant but not a midget?
I can't be with someone who is smaller than me. I suppose a midget might be able to lick me out while they were stood up so I wouldn't have to lie down.
What a lovely mental image that is.
Also, you could throw them around the room.
I think you can go to prison for that kind of shit.
If you were a bit of a dom you wouldn't have any problems dominating them.
Does that appeal to you?
I am more of a sub so not really. I would probably crush the poor thing while I was "doing" them.
Nice way to go.
Not for me.
About the giants: What about Jaws from the Bond movies? You know, the guy with the metal teeth. Would you?
I don't really fancy him. If I met some guy who was really fit and was a giant then I would.
So a guy with a brace going down on you wouldn't freak you out?
Not as long as they were good at it.
How about fat people?
I'm not really into fat people.
Body fascist. What is your ideal man?
He is tall. Good body. Guy's guy. Rough and ready looking. Sexy. Big dick. I wouldn't fuck a fat guy unless you paid me a million pounds.
Fair enough.
Well, would you fuck a fat woman for less than a million pounds?
I probably would actually. I am skint.
If she paid you a million pounds?
Maybe. Possibly. Changing the subject: Are you bisexual?
I sleep with a lot of girls but I wouldn't have a relationship with a woman outside of work. But, yeah, I guess I am bisexual.
What/who do you dream about sexually? Please don't say cocks and giants.
I don't dream about giants. I dream about guys and sometimes girls.
Which girls?
Girls that I would never sleep with. Friends and people I know.
What happens?
Things start off normal but we end up having sex. Then I wake up feeling guilty.
And moist?
Sometimes.
Have you ever had any medical tests to see if you have a hormone imbalance?
Why?
You seem to be permanently frisky.
I'm not permanently frisky. You don't have to be horny to do this job. You just have to be a good actress. You don't have to be frisky to be on top of someone fucking the shit out of them.
When we spoke earlier you told me that you once crapped on someone during sex.
Did I? I don't remember that.
I think I said that there were times when accidents happen if you don't clean your ass out.
Not very often though.
What happens, just little bits drop out?
Sometimes it is watery if you have been putting shower hoses up your ass. Then a little bit of water might come flying out. I have seen a few nasty things on set.
Go on.
Once I was doing a scene with a chick, I don't know where she was from, but she obviously didn't clean her ass out enough. I had to use one those gimp masks with a dick built into the mouth. Some guy was fucking her and I was fucking her in the ass and she just kept shitting all over the place.
All over the cock nose?
Yeah, all over the plastic dick.
Did any of it get on you?
No, none of it went on me.
Was she really embarrassed?
I guess she was embarrassed but she couldn't speak English so I don't really know.
Before you go, can I just get the top three oddest things that you have stuck up yourself? I'm just curious.
The handle of a tennis racket -
Is this in descending order?
Yes.
OK, carry on.
The handle of a tennis racket.
Yep. Next.
Probably a roll-on deodorant.
And the weirdest thing Alicia Rhodes has ever stuck up herself is...
A snooker cue.
Thanks for talking to me.
Call me about that special thing we talked about.
I will, I promise. Bye.
Bye.
*To find out what "that special thing we talked about" is, see next month's Bizarre XXX.
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