Exploring the world of S&M can be daunting. Bizarre writer Alix Fox and absolute newbie Tom went for a night out in a full-on fetish club, which climaxed in them both getting a public spanking. Over the next few days we'll be sharing what they learned in Bizarre's BDSM for Beginners. Today, what rules to follow when visiting a club

Other Bizarre BDSM beginners guides

What to wear and prepare before going to your first club

What to expect in clubs and how to find one to suit you

Spanking! How to beat and be beat! And how to cope with the bruises afterwards…

• Keep a safe distance away if you’re watching a scene, lest you accidentally get your eyeball whipped out. That’ll ruin your view…

• It’s fine to watch others playing – indeed, many fetishists get off on the concept of voyeurs. Be careful how loud you speak and what you say though; someone trying to concentrate on their sensations or their aim doesn’t want to be distracted by you announcing at foghorn volume that you need to visit the crapper or you don’t like the look of their stretchmarks.

• DON’T TOUCH unless you are invited to. If you want to join in a scene, politely ask the dominant player at a point that doesn’t interrupt the action. If you’re turned down, accept the rejection with grace and don’t take it personally. Club wardens will be watching out for misbehaviour.

• Don’t rest your drink or your aching bones on dungeon furniture – it’s a rack, not a coffee table or a foot stool.

• You can attend a club on your own as a single woman or man; in fact, you’re likely to find that your wishes and personal space are more respected at a fetish night than at many mainstream bars. If you don’t find a guest partner to play with, a house dom(me) may well be up for showing you their greatest hits! Just don’t expect an easy lay; S&M isn’t necessarily connected to swinging, and for some people it isn’t even sexual, but about entering an intense mental and physical state.