Friday, 5th February

A story we didn't feature in the Daily Demented this week was the Aussie banker caught on the news taking a sneaky look at fleshy pictures. The video is pretty funny but has gathered serious momentum since going viral. The employee, David Kiely, was put on leave as bosses figured out whether or not to fire him. But his colleagues started up a 'Save Dave' campaign, citing his general niceness and that 'there is too much political correctness in this world anyway.' The model he was not-so-stealthily checking out, Miranda Kerr, has also backed the campaign. And it's worked - Kiely will keep his job, now with serious amount of internet notoriety. Happy endings make Bizarre all fuzzy inside - after all our daily work routine features very little but checking out filth on the internet. 

In Slovenia a man has been killed after being mauled by his three dogs. Sad enough. Until you read that he saved the dogs from destruction three years ago after they attacked someone else. Talk about ungrateful...

Meanwhile a 'mega festival of boobs', due to be held in an alpine German town, has been banned. The topless sledging tournament has been prohibited due to local concern. But, as organiser Jochen Noeske says: "If they do [ban it] we'll take the competition over the border to the Czech Republic where they are not so stuffy." 

Seems there's a lot of 'not allowed' going around. Paramedics in the North West have been banned from wearing novelty socks (like 'Red Hot Life Saver' perhaps? Or 'On Call Siren'?). Obviously life saving abilities mean nothing if you're wearing silly footwear no one can even see.

Meanwhile Yorkshire Water are hosting the poll to end all polls - what do you do on the loo? Apparently 13% eat something. Personally we read and here's a throne perusal recommendation - the periodic table of smellements (thanks to Natalie Dee).

What do you think of today's headlines? Got any of your own? Leave your comments below...