Tuesday, 9th February

A US army sergeant has been accused of 'waterboarding' his own 4-year-old daughter for her inability to recite the alphabet. Iraqi veteran Joshua Ryan Tabor, 27, allegedly played on his daughter's fear of water by almost submerging her head repeatedly in a bathroom sink. According to the police report Tabor notes: "She said her letters after that." Looks like John Terry has been deposed as Father of the Year.

In Nepal, another victim of torture has been speaking out. Kalli Biswokarma, 47, was kidnapped, forced to eat faeces and urine and assaulted after being accused of being a witch.

Divorce is becoming much more prevalent in China. So much, in fact, a company in Chongqing is implementing an odd regulation which decrees divorcees must compensate their colleagues for any wedding gifts doled out. Separation is sad enough but to not even be able to keep you're hard earned cutlery set is just cruel.

Meanwhile the British government have been left with a rather large, runny, fried egg all over their mush after this. Children googling for a learning website advertised on direct.gov, called Buster's World, would instead find themselves linked to an with an entirely different, and entirely NSFW, Buster's World - a world constructed by a gay man with a balloon fetish.

in further vaguely unsettling news, senior sexting is apparently the growing trend among horny pensioners. Thought to be a strictly teenage phenomenon, the practice of sending lurid texts to the object of your affection has spread to over-60's. Hey, you might not want to know but this is what the Daily Demented is all about - hard hitting, disturbing, confrontational news. About sexed-up grandparents. Pulitzer here we come...

Finally an obituary to the last (fat) man standing, Bruce Snowdon. Making a career as a full-time circus sideshow, Snowdon was a throwback to when the circus featured proper freaks, extraordinary sights and lashings of animal cruelty. 

What do you think of today's headlines? Got any of your own? Leave your comments below...