It’s 1 o’clock on a Saturday afternoon, and I’m in a basement bar beside St Paul’s cathedral that’s filled with more hair than a beautician’s bin after a week’s worth of back, sack and crack waxes.

To my left, a fluffy blue squirrel in red boots plays cards with a pantomime horse, while to my right an arctic wolf, a puma, a leopard in a cape and kitten wearing a corset crowd around a laptop. Red Rum is sipping Strongbow, the big cats have eschewed Tiger beer in favour of a bottle of plonk, and most of the larger-than-life animals are well on their way to becoming tiddly.