Do you collect anything weird?

I collect contemporary art and I guess some of it is weird if you don’t like that sort of thing, but I don’t think anyone would be too surprised by it.

Is that all?

Let’s see – I also collect books and fake food… I collect a lot of things but I don’t think any of them would shock many of the readers of Bizarre magazine [laughs].

Don’t you have an electric chair in your house, though?

I do, it’s from my movie Female Trouble and it’s currently piled with books.

What’s the craziest rumour about you that’s true?

How about if I tell you about a crazy one I wanted to come true?

Sure.

Once when I was in England one of the tabloids printed a story that said Patty Hearst gave me all of her inheritance money to make movies, which made us both laugh. After reading that I tried to convince her to do it and she wouldn’t.

Shame. What’s your idea of hell?

My idea of hell is weddings. I hate going to weddings. They are never, ever fun, you have to pretend you’re having a great time and you always know that this kind of romance can never work. I do believe in romance and I believe in love but I don’t believe in greeting-card sentiments.

Although you did baptise [former underage porn star] Traci Lords for her wedding, didn’t you?

Yes, I did, and to be honest that was a very straight wedding in a church, which is something that always makes my blood start boiling.

Is filming Divine eating a freshly laid dog shit in Pink Flamingos still the most depraved thing you’ve ever done?

Well, I don’t know if it was all that depraved. It wasn’t exactly coprophilia because it had nothing to do with sex – I think it was more about terrorism. It was infantile and we did it on purpose because it was the year that porno sort of became legal with Deep Throat, and we began to think, “Well, what haven’t they done yet?” and, “What have they not thought up a law against yet?” So I think it was a publicity stunt that, God knows, worked, but it was also joyous in a way, totally unsexual and, I think, very funny. I’m glad you still think it’s depraved, though.

You also killed and fucked a chicken in Pink Flamingos. That’s pretty depraved.

I don’t feel bad about that because we ate the chicken. I got it at a place where they bred them and it got fucked, it got to be in a movie and it still gets to be spoken about today. Danny Mills, who played Crackers, cooked it and ate parts of it.

Nice. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I guess that would be back when I was 20 years old and I used to take black beauties [a combination of amphetamine and dextroamphetamine] and then go and see six movies in one day, or when I did LSD, which would make you stay up a very long time… but the longest, I would say, is no more than 36 hours.

Do you have any phobias?

I always believe I should never talk about a movie before I’ve made it because I believe that curses it. But I have no real ‘common’ phobias – I’ll get on any airplane. There are things I don’t like, such as sporting events, but that isn’t really a phobia, just a personal choice. So I wouldn’t say I have any unreasonable fears except for going to a football game.

If you could have any superpower what would it be?

I’d like to be able to fly, of course – that’s what everyone wants, isn’t it? Other than dreaming about sex we all dream about flying. I would like to be able to fly so I don’t have to go through security in airports.

Have you ever been obsessed with anyone?

Well, I never stalked anyone. I might collect things about somebody and
have files about them and follow their careers but I have never made them feel uncomfortable with my following… I don’t hide behind bushes and jump out at anyone [laughs] – no, I wouldn’t do anything like that.

Do you believe in the possibility of the existence of alien lifeforms?

No.

Have you ever had recurring dreams?

Yes, sometimes I dream that either [former actors from Waters’ early movies] David Lochary or Edith Massey are still alive and I run into one of them. I always say, “Man, what are you doing? You’re still alive and you didn’t decide to tell me?” And they just say, “Yeah, we decided to do something else.” It always shocks me and hurts my feelings.

Have you ever seen a dead body?

Yes, many times.

When?

At funerals! In America they have open caskets at funerals at least 80 per cent of the time.

That’s disturbing, isn’t it?

It is – did you see the picture of Michael Jackson kissing James Brown’s body when it was lying in his coffin?

Yes, I did. That was pretty morbid.

Yeah, but in America people take pictures of their loved ones in their coffins and put them on their mantel. I find it complete necrophilia – at my funeral, my coffin will be closed.

This Filthy World, the film of John Waters’ stageshow, is in cinemas this autumn