Leading up to Jodie's trip to Jack's Tattoos in Essex, entries came thick and fast (mostly thick)... but after filtering out all the angry abuse we drew up a shortlist to present to Miss Marsh. Here are some of some of the suggestions she didn't go for:


‘Varicose veins on her ankles’

‘Big load of flesh ripped away with bones and muscles revealed inside’

‘Her anus as Michael Barrymore’s mouth’

‘Permanent snot drip under nostril'

‘Knickers tattooed around her legs so it works when she puts her legs together’

‘Sperm with a perm on one side of the pelvic area and perhaps and egg with a dread on the other’

‘Her as a miniature foetus with umbilical cord coming from stomach’

‘A third nipple’

‘A snake emerging from anus coming round to her front to lick her nipple’

‘Peter Andre as a foetus in the womb, just above her flange as it would make Jordan bitter as a lemon on a diet of salt and fizzy cola bottles’

‘Termites coming out of fake wound in breast’

‘A turtle’s head coming from bumhole’